You broke up with me on the day of our Monthsary (Oct. 28,2009). I knew then, that you are feeling that you will really leave me soon. I knew you heard me calling you “Mahal” over and over in the hospital before because a teardrop fell from each of your eye……. I know you didn’t intend to leave me… you even said; you’ll make it up to me. You never had that chance. And you don’t have to. For the past 7 years and 5 months, all you did was to show me how much you’ve loved me. We call ourselves, the “bear family”; you were a great Papa bear and you really pampered me – all I did was to be a “baby bear”. I’m sorry if all I prioritized was work, work, and work. I’m sorry for not really showing you how important you are to me. I’m sorry for telling you that I can live without you when we used to fight a few years back… that is a big LIE because, now that you’re gone… I don’t even want to wake up anymore. Thank you for taking such good care of me. Thank you for not failing to remind me how much I mean to you. Thank you for being my human Alarm Clock… even if I shout at you, you made sure that I will take care of my work, never late, never absent… Thank you for telling me that I am beautiful even if I look like a mess. Thank you for the comfort when I’m so stressed with work. Thank you for your embrace whenever I feel like breaking down and cry. Thank you for teaching me to be positive and appreciate little things. Thank you for all your sacrifices. Thank you for your love…
You’re gone, you’re really gone. I know you’re with God now and you’ll watch over me. I feel lost. I’m forced to live without you. I haven’t stayed in my apartment since you were gone. I go home to Cainta every day. I need your hug now coz I lost my team because of bad scores. I know, its my fault because I lost my focus. I know, you’ll say… “It’s okay. At least you still have a job.” I hate it because I know you’re right. Please tell God not to feel bad that I always talk to you and not him. I know he will understand. I’ve watched a movie: “ PS, I LOVE YOU” that was recommended by Zayrah. In that movie, the husband died and the girl was able to slowly move on. I see “us” in that story. it’s just that I don’t know where to begin.
I’ll write to you everyday… until I can write a diary again.
after 7years and 5 months... he's dead. How am I supposed to go on with life without him... how to be strong when the person who gives you strength is gone forever
It’s so hard… There are times that I still cry. I guess its true what they say, you’d realize the importance of a person when they’re not there for you. He loved and took care of me… he sacrificed a lot for me. I never really gave him the value and attention that he deserves. He loves me when I smile, and even when I’m frowning or angry. He looks at me with love. After 7 years, he still stares at me and say he’s attracted to me and that he loves me. He makes me decide where to eat, what movie to watch, what time to meet… its always about me and seldom about him. I was so pampered.
Now. he’s in the hospital, bedridden, always in pain. Right lung is already non-functional. Left lung is affected. He doesn’t want to eat because all he feels is his chest/lung hurting. He’s just skin and bones. Always moaning due to pain. He’s in charity ward because they don’t have a single cent to spend. My salary ‘aint even enough for my Dad…
I wish I’d be able to wake up from this nightmare…
I just woke up.. I dreamed of a guy I haven’t met. He works in the same office. He’s a manager. I was given half of the cheese and ham bread (though I don’t know why its half). I didn’t really accept it because I’m already eating noodles.
I came across this online quiz and it’s a bit accurate for me…
(Link above)
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are
so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen
to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to
both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't
judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style.
This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right
person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that
person.
The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the
opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so
you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard
and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of
doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to
choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your
chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes
you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice.
People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you
might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart
rather than your head needs to solve.
it's supposed to be our Monthsary today.. 8 years and 5 months... but, this is it...
me: im cryin like hell friend: u ok me: no friend: i mean wuts goin on? me: i told u dat my bf in in thehospital ryt. he broke up with me today, he called r landline... he said it will nt work anymore/dats 8yrs my bestfriend isnt sure if she can see me tonight... im still in cainta... trying to hold my sobs cz dont wnt my mom to worry abt me friend: wuts his reasons? aside from heath how is he doin now? me: i felt bad yesterday cz he didnt let me go there... i know its my fault, i txtd him, ok, u dont need me anyways, go with your so called friends cz his highschool friends visited him dat morning /i had to finish hrpro and its arnd 4pm when i finished/ he said dont go there anymore friend: he's just hurt that's why he told u that me: thn his mom called saying he's asking her to get some of his tings from me/i texted him and told him, i wanna talk to him first before he asks his mom to get his tings from me friend: good me: he called ds morning, he sounded so cold/ he said, it wont work, thanks and sorry ha friend: he is just upset/u say things u dnt mean if yur upset/and mad just be more patient with him with his situation me: well, dats somethin he never dared telling me.. i know its for real...
I sent it… after such a long time; I found the guts to update my Resume and sent it to another company. This time, I am applying for a Managerial Position. I will not settle for 2nd best. I guess, I really wanted to be a Call center Manager. I just don’t know when will it become a reality but I know I can make it – BIG!
A lot of things to consider and think about… I wish I’ll have the courage. I feel so alone but I am not stopping… I promise to make it Big – whatever that word means…(teary eyed…)
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